I know it's been quite some time since I have posted anything here. I know part of the reason is that it was too hard to write on this blog since the main reason for starting it was because I was so excited to be pregnant. That said I also think it can be therapeutic for me to write here and keep it going in this next phase of our journey.
First off I am doing okay. Physically I have recovered but emotionally I have good days and bad days. I know it wasn't anyone's fault although I want to blame someone or something but overall it just sucks. For me it is hard to deal with the fact that we have to start all over again and after trying for so long and being so excited we finally got pregnant it was taken away in an instant. Two good friends sent me a cookie bouquet and the center cookie read "IT SUCKS". That says is all and really cheered me up because there are no other words to describe it. My body has done what it needed to do and did it quickly which I am thankful for. My mom came to visit me during that awful week which I really needed and helped me quite a bit. I had this random issue with being really nauseated for quite some time but that finally stopped last week and that has made a world of difference. When you already feel crappy physically and emotionally feeling like you want to puke all the time is no fun. I do have to keep getting my blood drawn to check my HCG (pregnancy hormone) level and once it is less than 1 then everything is out of my system. Hopefully next week is the last of the blood tests. Many people have asked when we can start trying again. I have to wait for my period to show up in a couple of weeks (one normal cycle) and then we are free to try again. Let's hope 2008 is a good year!
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and with Thanksgiving being tomorrow I started to realize that I have a lot to be thankful for even though the past two months have really knocked me down. It all started with the random emergency surgery for a crazy ovarian cyst, then we found out we were pregnant, then our house was broken into, and suddenly I am miscarrying - it has been quite a whirlwind for us. So despite feeling like I am not strong enough at times I wanted to say what I am thankful for and what all of these experiences have given me in a positive light:
- I am most thankful for my husband Erin. I cannot even begin to explain how wonderful he is and how much he has helped me through everything when he is also dealing with it all (and things at work for him are CRAZY too). I am so lucky and blessed to have him and grateful for his strength. This Thanksgiving Day will mark 12 years since we first met -now that is something to be thankful for!
- I am thankful for my mom and I am thankful that she has found happiness and love again
- I am thankful for the best group of friends any girl could ever ask for
- I am thankful for a job/office/boss that has allowed me the flexibility to deal with all my drama and not feel pressured to be at work
- I am thankful that I started seeing Dr. Hutchison when I did as I cannot imagine a better doctor to have to go through everything with.
- I am thankful that I did not lose my ovary during my surgery
- I am thankful that I got pregnant because now we know I can and it was wonderful even if for just a couple of weeks
- I am thankful that the miscarriage happened sooner in the pregnancy rather than later and that is was relatively quick
- I am thankful that due to the robbery we now have an alarm and security door and know more of our neighbors
- I am thankful for the ability to laugh and cry about everything (sometimes at the same time) and I know someday the reason for it all will be clear.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!
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